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alynwaAs most of you know, my mom passed away on September 3rd. One of the things I am doing is "Adrienne-nyzing" the condo in advance of my ultimately moving there. Today, her helper Sandra, came over again to help me clear out her wardrobe so I can take it to the thrift shop, Salvation Army, consignment shops, etc. Unfortunately, her clothing for the most part, doesn't fit me.
Many of her shoes and clothing were brand new with the tags still on them. I was going through the linen closet the other day and there were three unopened sets of sheets.
Years ago, she was in rehab after having surgery on her leg. I was here and came across a nice set of unopened sheets back in the closet, so I opened them and used them. I remember when I told her what I had done, she was annoyed because "those are my good sheets!" My response to her was "You're in your 80s, what are you waiting for? Use the sheets!"
Don't get me wrong; my mom had a good, long life. However, her generation truly believed in the "good stuff" and the idea that if something is "still good," you keep it. Those of you who've read my stories might recall I wrote two stories about those very ideas.
After Sandra and I finally got all the clothing out of the closet and sorted, I started going through the many boxes of items that are stored there. The first thing I picked up I thought was a backgammon set, but when I opened it, it turned out to be a beautiful gold set of cutlery, service for 12! I sat there staring at, trying to remember if I had ever seen it. I think I might have seen it once when I was about 7. I had forgotten all about it until I saw it today. I thought it was long gone. She never used it.
I might have developed the same "good stuff" mentality if not for a newspaper columnist/humorist named Erma Bombeck. When she found out she had a terminal illness, she wrote an article in which she stated that if she had known she would die so young, she would have used the candles people gave her, she would have eaten off the fine china, she would have given up the notion of the "good stuff."
That article changed me. It made me see that my mom, and my friends' moms, all had this notion that the "good stuff' was for special occasions and company. Some of my friends' parents came from the South and had ROOMS, usually the living room, that were off-limits to the people living there! The problem with that, most of the time, was that except for maybe Christmas and Thanksgiving, no occasion or company was special enough to warrant using the "good stuff." My attitude changed to: There may be things in my home that are too good for YOU to use, but there is nothing in my home that is too good for ME to use.
So my unsolicited advice, dear Cousins, is: Use your stuff. Burn the candle. Drink from the crystal glasses. Use the bath salts and creams from those holiday gift sets people gave you. Eat the cookies. Or give it all away if it's "still good" so that someone else can enjoy it.
Because one day you'll be gone and someone will be going through your things and seeing all the you denied yourself. And that's sad.
Many of her shoes and clothing were brand new with the tags still on them. I was going through the linen closet the other day and there were three unopened sets of sheets.
Years ago, she was in rehab after having surgery on her leg. I was here and came across a nice set of unopened sheets back in the closet, so I opened them and used them. I remember when I told her what I had done, she was annoyed because "those are my good sheets!" My response to her was "You're in your 80s, what are you waiting for? Use the sheets!"
Don't get me wrong; my mom had a good, long life. However, her generation truly believed in the "good stuff" and the idea that if something is "still good," you keep it. Those of you who've read my stories might recall I wrote two stories about those very ideas.
After Sandra and I finally got all the clothing out of the closet and sorted, I started going through the many boxes of items that are stored there. The first thing I picked up I thought was a backgammon set, but when I opened it, it turned out to be a beautiful gold set of cutlery, service for 12! I sat there staring at, trying to remember if I had ever seen it. I think I might have seen it once when I was about 7. I had forgotten all about it until I saw it today. I thought it was long gone. She never used it.
I might have developed the same "good stuff" mentality if not for a newspaper columnist/humorist named Erma Bombeck. When she found out she had a terminal illness, she wrote an article in which she stated that if she had known she would die so young, she would have used the candles people gave her, she would have eaten off the fine china, she would have given up the notion of the "good stuff."
That article changed me. It made me see that my mom, and my friends' moms, all had this notion that the "good stuff' was for special occasions and company. Some of my friends' parents came from the South and had ROOMS, usually the living room, that were off-limits to the people living there! The problem with that, most of the time, was that except for maybe Christmas and Thanksgiving, no occasion or company was special enough to warrant using the "good stuff." My attitude changed to: There may be things in my home that are too good for YOU to use, but there is nothing in my home that is too good for ME to use.
So my unsolicited advice, dear Cousins, is: Use your stuff. Burn the candle. Drink from the crystal glasses. Use the bath salts and creams from those holiday gift sets people gave you. Eat the cookies. Or give it all away if it's "still good" so that someone else can enjoy it.
Because one day you'll be gone and someone will be going through your things and seeing all the you denied yourself. And that's sad.
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Date: 2018-09-20 06:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-09-20 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-09-20 04:08 pm (UTC)To break with that mind set, we use our crystal and china just about every day. I don't use the silver because the forks and spoon have designs on the backs of them and I don't like the feel of them in my mouth. We do use them three or four times a year, though.
*hugs* and best of luck with this very difficult task.
no subject
Date: 2018-09-20 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-09-20 09:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-09-23 02:24 am (UTC)I never do that.
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Date: 2018-09-24 04:39 am (UTC)