Alynwa's Mind: It's Crazy in There

Pepper, the beautiful black cat who is my profile picture, was euthanized this evening.  I didn't want to do it, but it was the right thing to do. 

The second week of January, I noticed that she was no longer eating the wet food I mixed her medication into and seemed to be losing weight.  I already had an appointment scheduled for her to see her vet for a followup to check her blood pressure.  When we got there that day, I explained to the vet what I had noticed and she ran a series of tests: Bloodwork, urinalysis, etc.  Everything came back normal, so we thought maybe she had decided she no longer liked it.  I changed flavors.

Last October, Pepper weighed 10 pounds 6 ounces.  On January 18th, her weight was 8 pounds 12 ounces.  On January 29th, I took her back to the vet, telling them that according to the test results, I should have a healthy, happy kitty and I just don't.  That day, she weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces.  The vet x-rayed her.  The poor thing was full of matastisized turmors.  She gave me a transdermal med to stimulate her appetite.  It didn't work.

I called this morning to make an afternoon appointment because she still wasn't eating and looked smaller.  I had pretty much made up my mind that it was her time and found myself wishing I knew I was doing the right thing.

When I'm taking the cats to the vet, I take their carriers out and open them in the living room.  Pepper knew that if she saw her carrier, she was going to the doctor and I would have to chase her all over the house to get her in it.  When I put it down this time, she walked right into it and laid down.  I lost it.  I feel like it was her way of telling me she was ready.  When we got there, I asked the vet to weigh her again; she had lost another three ounces.

I took Itty Bitty with us so she could say goodbye, which she did by sitting so close to her sister, she was tickling Pepper's ear.  We were the last sight Pepper had and she looked so peaceful.

Tonight, Itty Bitty and Pinot Grigio (the wine, not another cat) are my best friends.

Yesterday, I was watching TV in the den when I heard an odd sounding meow from the bedroom.  When I went to investigate, Pepper was standing on the bed looking down at Itty Bitty who was in her nap basket having a seizure.  I felt so helpless!

I think her being in the basket helped because it kept her in one place.  I kept stroking her and telling her she was going to be okay.  When it finally ended, I put her in her carrier and took her to the vet.  After not having a seizure for just over a year, yesterday was the 4th one in 2020 with the previous one happening just five weeks ago. 

I think it's time for medication.  I just got off the phone with the vet; all her tests came back normal, so she's healthy enough to take the med.  One of my friends said her daughter's cat is on seizure meds and is doing well with no changes in its personality, which is my biggest fear.  I don't want a zombie cat.

She's okay today, but a bit subdued and she's taking her nap outside her basket.  I guess I can't blame her.

Hi, all.  Well, it's almost mid-August and I am working diligently to be prepared for a moving van to collect my things around September tenth.  There is an old Amish saying that perfectly describes how I'm feeling right about now: The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.

My place is beginning to look like a warehouse that hosted a gang war, what with all the boxes starting to pile up and every surface(almost) covered with what came out of drawers, closets and shelves.  I've found that I'm very visual; if I put things away, I tend to forget about them, not a good thing when one is purging and packing.  The things that are driving me mildly insane aren't the things I'm taking.  It's what I'm not taking because I still have to do something with it.

I downloaded the "Letgo" app and the first thing I posted, a two drawer file cabinet, sold in three days and I had several offers.  That sounds like a good thing, but not really.  It's like when you gamble and win big the first time.  You keep gambling expecting the same result and it doesn't happen.  I'm experiencing that with Letgo, nothing else I've listed has sold.

I refuse to get too stressed.  If I can't sell the stuff, I will donate it and take it off my taxes.  The majority of what I want to sell I've owned for at least 20 and in some cases, 30 years, so I've definitely gotten good use out of it.  I just want to go home.

And Nevada is my home now.  I love New York City, but I am over him.  I want to look out my window and see mountains.  I want to cuddle with my cats, Pepper and Itty Bitty.  I want to get a small dog to go with them.  I need to squash the Cat Rebellion currently occuring in my home.  My cat rule is that anywhere I put my behind, they can, too.  My next door neighbor who's been caring for them since I came East, has informed me and sent photographic proof that the cats have decided a new rule is in effect: They are sitting on tables.  This new rule caused them to break a glass end table and the lamp that sat upon it as their fat butts caused the glass to tilt and fall.  Luckily, no one was hurt and I was getting rid of it anyway, but they didn't know that, so I must return and as Fred Sanford once said, "Do some budnipping!"

I miss writing!  I managed to eke out a Boston Legal story that demanded to be told, but I'm afraid that if I really sit at the laptop, work that must be done, won't be.  It's too big a risk to take.  I want to participate in the Halloween challenge so badly, but I just can't now.

I don't anticipate getting to my new normal before Thanksgiving of 2020.  Yes, I did say 2020.  I have to move, unpack, finish renovating the condo and God only knows what else.  Me, myself and I make a good team, but a slow moving one sometimes.

Anyway, just wanted to share.  I'll update again at some point in the future.